On a recent visit to a friend, and as we sat in her kitchen discussing the latest developments in our lives, I noticed that she was a little distracted by something going on in an adjacent room. I could hear laughter and chatter and realised that her young daughter, a lively pre-school toddler, was engaged in a vibrant conversation. "Oh, Chloe and you have visitors? " My friend smiled, " Oh no....That´s "TILLY" , her new best friend. Only she doesn´t really exist. I think they are having a tea party together and she has been chatting with Tilly for weeks now..I really don´t know if I should be worried." I reassured her that there was plenty of evidence of children having "imaginary friends" and that research also shows that they also disappear at some point, often a moment that is quietly unseen by adults as, of course, it is a sort of non event...At a point, parents simply notice that it doesn´t happen any more and the fleeting experience is gently washed away in the flowing waters of time. What ever purposes these friends have for individual children, company, connection, desire for friendship, cultivating kindness and social skills, a moment arrives when their usefulness is spent and the role that they provided is no longer required. Pooofffttt...and they are gone! There are occasions though when childrens imagined or "hallucinated" friends don´t disappear or, they may never have had these earlier experiences and go on to hear consistent voices that are a disturbance, getting in the way of daily normal functioning, interrupting concentration and focus and making studying at school and being with their friends hard to endure. Sometimes, even though it is difficult to do, these children will reveal to parents, caring relatives or kind teachers who offer an ear that they are struggling to cope with and understand these experiences. It can be quite frightening to suddenly have voices or even visions , even for so called "grown ups" . Interestingly, research into this phenomena has produced some striking revelations. It seems that there are some major differences in the voices of children in the cities and youngsters who live in rural areas. The city dwellers were much more likely to hear threatening voices, voices that told them to hurt themselves or others. Children who lived in the countryside heard consoling or guiding voices that had helpful messages. Why is this ? One woman who has dedicated herself to exploring this specific area is Sandra Escher. She lives and works in Holland and travels widely sharing her knowledge. She has also written some remarkable and helpful books where these topics are explored more deeply and, I cannot recommend them highly enough, for health professionals or parents, they provide brilliant insights into childrens`lived experiences.. iWay back in the 1980s, I recalled my own daughters brief time setting up picnics and tables with her dolls in the little bedroom in my apartment and I often heard her chatting away as if there were "real" conversations taking place.
A few years later, I asked her what became of "Annie", her pal..We were being visited by her friend, Jade, who was telling us that she had no need for her own invisible friend any longer. She was more " grown up" now she said.. "So what did you do with her?" I asked.." Or did she just disappear?" She paused: "Well...I did think about how to get rid of her...but in the end it was either kill her or send her off to London..So thats what I did. She went to live in London. near the Queen`" "So, how did you know you didn´t need her around or want her any more?" " I don´t remember...I just did..." And there you have it. The simplicity of the child ...
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July 2021
AuthorActivist/ Health worker/ 20 years. Specific interests : wellness/ voice hearing/ coping/ exploring/ sharing/ stigma reduction. |